Pixie Fix
Dear Morons,
If you show up to a concert on time, you won't have to fetch an usher-type person with a flashlight to find your seat for you, thus annoying everyone else in the area. It's not as though the seats are particularly difficult to find in any case. It's a seating chart, not a star chart.
Usher-type people: A mini-maglite can be turned off, focused into a tight beam, and/or not shined at the people who managed to find their own seats and are trying to enjoy the fucking concert. If you have to come down into the seats to oust someone, that's one thing, but try to keep a little bit of a leash on that flashlight otherwise. It's distracting. Also, carrying an Airsoft gun might keep you from having to go down into the seats at all, as well as serving out some measure of justice.
Other morons: there are no "squatter's rights" at a concert. An empty seat is not an invitation to stake a claim, especially before the concert even begins. If your ticket does not include a direct reference to that seat, then genius, it's just not your seat. On a tour which has been selling out venues basically everywhere it goes, chances are very good that someone is just going to have to move you, and you have thus proven yourself to be an ass, as if there was any doubt to begin with.
Furthermore, if you are of the "i'm totally cool, hyuk, hyuk, see how many beers i can shotgun, i live for intermural sports and doing greek" variety of fratboy*, do everyone a favor and stay home. Nobody finds you entertaining except your fellow abercrombie** sheep, and most of them don't really like you. If you do decide to venture out into the world, recognize that I have no moral dilemma whatsoever with kicking you in the back and sending you down several flights of stairs for making fun of people for dancing at a concert, even if I don't know those people and they are poor dancers. Normally, nothing would thrill me more than seeing you torn apart by a pack of slavering emo kids, but it would interrupt my concert, so just STFU and watch the show.
Speaking of thrills...don't quit your dayjobs quite yet, The Thrills. The only one of you that has any stage presence is the singer, and he reminded me of someone's dad doing karaoke for the first time after a bit of extra scotch. I personally found your music to be insipid, in a radio-friendly Bruce Springsteen-meets-emo-meets-every-flash-in-the-pan-British-pop-band-ever sort of way. That said, the tattooed and pierced guy next to me said you were "Okay", and somehow you got a spot opening for the Pixies, so well done there. Not my cup of tea, but obviously you're doing something right.
Pixies, you guys were perfect. All there is to it. Thank you for playing basically all of Come On Pilgrim. Call me. We'll do lunch.
Currently listening to: "The Splendour of a Thousand Swords Gleaming Beneath the Blazon of the Hyperborean Empire (Part: III)", Bal-Sagoth
Yeah, you heard me. Bal-Sagoth.
* It should be noted that not all members of fraternities are automatically jackasses. I have known several that I would put out if they were on fire, and would even claim to be friends with some. However, I stereotype gleefully and with reason. You don't like it? Change the image.
** What the hell exactly is an Abercrombie, anyway?
If you show up to a concert on time, you won't have to fetch an usher-type person with a flashlight to find your seat for you, thus annoying everyone else in the area. It's not as though the seats are particularly difficult to find in any case. It's a seating chart, not a star chart.
Usher-type people: A mini-maglite can be turned off, focused into a tight beam, and/or not shined at the people who managed to find their own seats and are trying to enjoy the fucking concert. If you have to come down into the seats to oust someone, that's one thing, but try to keep a little bit of a leash on that flashlight otherwise. It's distracting. Also, carrying an Airsoft gun might keep you from having to go down into the seats at all, as well as serving out some measure of justice.
Other morons: there are no "squatter's rights" at a concert. An empty seat is not an invitation to stake a claim, especially before the concert even begins. If your ticket does not include a direct reference to that seat, then genius, it's just not your seat. On a tour which has been selling out venues basically everywhere it goes, chances are very good that someone is just going to have to move you, and you have thus proven yourself to be an ass, as if there was any doubt to begin with.
Furthermore, if you are of the "i'm totally cool, hyuk, hyuk, see how many beers i can shotgun, i live for intermural sports and doing greek" variety of fratboy*, do everyone a favor and stay home. Nobody finds you entertaining except your fellow abercrombie** sheep, and most of them don't really like you. If you do decide to venture out into the world, recognize that I have no moral dilemma whatsoever with kicking you in the back and sending you down several flights of stairs for making fun of people for dancing at a concert, even if I don't know those people and they are poor dancers. Normally, nothing would thrill me more than seeing you torn apart by a pack of slavering emo kids, but it would interrupt my concert, so just STFU and watch the show.
Speaking of thrills...don't quit your dayjobs quite yet, The Thrills. The only one of you that has any stage presence is the singer, and he reminded me of someone's dad doing karaoke for the first time after a bit of extra scotch. I personally found your music to be insipid, in a radio-friendly Bruce Springsteen-meets-emo-meets-every-flash-in-the-pan-British-pop-band-ever sort of way. That said, the tattooed and pierced guy next to me said you were "Okay", and somehow you got a spot opening for the Pixies, so well done there. Not my cup of tea, but obviously you're doing something right.
Pixies, you guys were perfect. All there is to it. Thank you for playing basically all of Come On Pilgrim. Call me. We'll do lunch.
Currently listening to: "The Splendour of a Thousand Swords Gleaming Beneath the Blazon of the Hyperborean Empire (Part: III)", Bal-Sagoth
Yeah, you heard me. Bal-Sagoth.
* It should be noted that not all members of fraternities are automatically jackasses. I have known several that I would put out if they were on fire, and would even claim to be friends with some. However, I stereotype gleefully and with reason. You don't like it? Change the image.
** What the hell exactly is an Abercrombie, anyway?
1 Comments:
One word: Pawned.
-Jon
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